4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
