i think my tv is drunk
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
