you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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