I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
