If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
