i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
