well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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