That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
