So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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