Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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