sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
