And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
