I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
