Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
