As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
