I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
