Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
