I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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