I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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