i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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