If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
