What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
