So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
