Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
