i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
