I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
