His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
