I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
