I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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