this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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