Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
