so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
