I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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