I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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