allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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