My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
God I need to hump something, right now.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
