the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And then my night got REAL pukey
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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