you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she peed on how many people?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
