i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
