My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
