I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
