I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
