this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
