told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
