You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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