We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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