I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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