lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
