I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
