So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
