Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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