Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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