I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
NoShamevember. You game?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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